To My Old House and My Ex

Comfort
isn't always a good thing.
It can be like laying in bed
when you need to rise.

You were a warm bath
of oils and bubbles and salts
soothing my aching body.

It won't stay warm forever

The water cooled.
I may not have noticed at first,
but the soreness slowly set in.

It was time to go.

trapped

I feel nothing as intensely
as the wholeness I've found
without you here to fight me
hand on my head,
face to the ground.

You told me I was broken
but you made me this way
my pieces didn't fit you
but you still demanded that I stay

To you love meant screaming
tribulations and trials
standing there to take it all,
faking my smile.

Open

Show me you love me
without touching me.
Show me you care
without gifts or money.
give me your time.
give me your heart.
give me your pain.
Let me experience you
and give you all I have left.

Jewels

I wear jeweled tears around my neck
They're heavy.

Crafted carelessly
from blistered silver
and broken stones
a calloused heart
and broken promises.

There's beauty
Romanticized like a painting of war
"oh, look how it catches the light
despite the way its been tarnished by time.
How lovely this weight must be to carry."

You can't imagine
A burden so large
you can't find the strength
to press your fingers together
and open a clasp.

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Not hopeful, not kind.
But I try.
I brace myself and fall,
but I stand up every time.
Not well rested,
but I won't close my eyes.
Starving for my truth
I'll be walking til I find it.

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I'm rotten inside,
desperate to be forgotten,
I hide it.
I don't fit by
your side or in your mind
no matter how hard I try
I can't break away the parts
of myself I want to confine.

I'm jealous of the girls
you haven't met
careless, I set you as a standard
but its hard and my hands are
getting cold.
I can't hold on to you anymore.

Untitled 4

I’m broken, but whole.
Functional. Unfixable. Wonderful.