Untitled 9

I fell for you looking into the eye of your hurricane 

The force of your storm surrounds me 

With a promise of destruction 

But I treasure the moment of calm

That I found in all your madness

Pearls

there are pearls in heart where others left sand.

all of the years spent desperately fighting the coarseness inside me, 

yet when you plucked me up from the murky water

all you can think about is prying me open

to finally take my lovely pearls away.

I'm open

I'm exposed

I'm vulnerable 

the strand is long enough to choke me

swear to me you'll wear them and never give them back

untitled 8

I'm nervous.

We sit on the couch with our legs intertwined
and you catch me studying your features
because you were nothing more than a stranger last week

But you're still a stranger now
and I want to do anything to change that
so I can justify how comforting I find you
or how easily you opened me up

Anxiety fills me up instead
when I see the the little cracks
tracing along our edges

We want the future
but we've never had a proper foundation to stand on

comforts

lean into me
softly
tell me you care

intertwined fingers
and bodies

warmth on a cold night
a calm to my storm
all with a swift brush of hair from my face.

Hand to heart
to throat
mouth to neck

I've found comfort in your arms
and hope in your smile

trapped

I feel nothing as intensely
as the wholeness I've found
without you here to fight me
hand on my head,
face to the ground.

You told me I was broken
but you made me this way
my pieces didn't fit you
but you still demanded that I stay

To you love meant screaming
tribulations and trials
standing there to take it all,
faking my smile.

Open

Show me you love me
without touching me.
Show me you care
without gifts or money.
give me your time.
give me your heart.
give me your pain.
Let me experience you
and give you all I have left.

Jewels

I wear jeweled tears around my neck
They're heavy.

Crafted carelessly
from blistered silver
and broken stones
a calloused heart
and broken promises.

There's beauty
Romanticized like a painting of war
"oh, look how it catches the light
despite the way its been tarnished by time.
How lovely this weight must be to carry."

You can't imagine
A burden so large
you can't find the strength
to press your fingers together
and open a clasp.

untitled 7

Not hopeful, not kind.
But I try.
I brace myself and fall,
but I stand up every time.
Not well rested,
but I won't close my eyes.
Starving for my truth
I'll be walking til I find it.

Untitled 4

I’m broken, but whole.
Functional. Unfixable. Wonderful.

Untitled 3

I gave you parts of my heart
That I can’t even give to myself.
I hope that I’ll be able to find them
When the time is right.

untitled 2

I'm a miracle
always falling to pieces
wet eyes dulling me

Untitled 1

Fixing something that wants to be broken
outspoken about the motivation from the pain.
convinced you'll never be the same without it.
Blossom and wilt, create, repeat,
you hate the feat of growing
just to shrivel up again.

(11-7-2017)

They said to stop opening old wounds,
but an infection healed deep under your skin.
They can't see the pain growing inside you,
so keep breaking it open until you heal from within.

Files Found on Phone part1 (12/18/13)

I hide my social security card
Behind a picture of you.
I'm not sure what this means,
But it seems important.

To My Ex

Told you how I felt
You left my message on read
Guess I'll go to sleep

Novelty

You see me at the grocery store
asking me why?
You've clearly thought about it more than I have.
I don't know what to say
to make you leave quickly.

He looked my body over,
examining the changes I've made.
"It's just the icing on the cake" he said.
But the frosting was always his favorite part.
I want to hide myself.

They tell me I wouldn't do it
if I didn't enjoy the attention
But i just wanted to feel something
that wasn't disgusted,
when I looked at my skin

I stopped existing to please others,
and they'll never let it go.

Sprialed

(Aug 31, 2017)
Feel bad. Feel sad. Feel stupid. Feel empty. Feel out of control.
It's okay to have feelings that aren't positive of convenient.
Crying is healthy.

It's okay to feel sad.
It's no reason to spiral out of control
Little things can make you feel bad.
You don't need someone else to be whole.

Unrequited

Three feet away
I'd die to have you move closer 
but I'd suffer the same 
If I closed the space 
just for you to turn away