Open

Show me you love me
without touching me.
Show me you care
without gifts or money.
give me your time.
give me your heart.
give me your pain.
Let me experience you
and give you all I have left.

Jewels

I wear jeweled tears around my neck
They're heavy.

Crafted carelessly
from blistered silver
and broken stones
a calloused heart
and broken promises.

There's beauty
Romanticized like a painting of war
"oh, look how it catches the light
despite the way its been tarnished by time.
How lovely this weight must be to carry."

You can't imagine
A burden so large
you can't find the strength
to press your fingers together
and open a clasp.

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Not hopeful, not kind.
But I try.
I brace myself and fall,
but I stand up every time.
Not well rested,
but I won't close my eyes.
Starving for my truth
I'll be walking til I find it.

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I'm rotten inside,
desperate to be forgotten,
I hide it.
I don't fit by
your side or in your mind
no matter how hard I try
I can't break away the parts
of myself I want to confine.

I'm jealous of the girls
you haven't met
careless, I set you as a standard
but its hard and my hands are
getting cold.
I can't hold on to you anymore.

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I don't really want to be alive
I don't think I could take my life.
So I'll lay in bed and watch the flies
laying eggs in my dirty dishes.

They're stacked high on the edge of the bed
I should take them with me when I refill my cup.
but I don't.
I'm not ready.

There may be words that can console me
but my loved ones are at a loss
I feel so bad for making them feel my pain
But I'm desperate to feel okay.

I'm supposed to reach out for help
how do you help someone like me?

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I’m broken, but whole.
Functional. Unfixable. Wonderful.

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I gave you parts of my heart
That I can’t even give to myself.
I hope that I’ll be able to find them
When the time is right.